Adventures in Hedonism

After a tough couple of days and a night of vigorous drinking and vicious make up sex, I thought this article might be a good idea. How to avoid throwing up during rough, drunken sex:

1. Close your eyes and stop the spinning.  This way, it feels more like you’re on Space Mountain, and less like you’re inside the Large Hadron Particle Collider.

2. Manage nausea by switching positions.  If you’re feeling like you might lose your cookies, switch to a different position that involves less stomach churning.

3. Don’t stop.  Whatever you do, don’t stop.  Stopping lets your brain catch up with your body, making it difficult to concentrate on how good the sex is instead of how it feels like someone is furiously mixing ice and hot coffee inside your stomach.

4. If all esle fails, drink more.  It will confuse the system and at least buy you a little more time to get down and dirty.

I went to my first open mic night in 2002.  I attended for a full year before I read anything.  I was newly divorced, had no friends and was shy.  I made friends at those coffee shop poetry readings that I have held dear for years now.

The coffee shop closed a few years ago and left a huge void in the community.  Open mic nights had ended and I was at a loss.  Fortunately, my friend Brad opened up a punk rock record store and let us have open mic night’s there.

Last year the record store closed, leaving homeless poets and musicians scattered all over town.  Now, a new little pie shop is holding open mic nights beginning tonight.  Word has spread all over town and the old crowd is anxious to attend.  To go along with tradition, it will be called the After 9 show, always taking place on Thursday nights at some point after 9pm.

I’ll be attending, but tonight I think I’ll just sit and watch.  And remember old times.

This morning I went to the grocery store to purchase Bananas because a couple of days ago I read on yahoo news about the Morning Banana Diet.  (then immediately posted my own articles about the diet on eHow and Suite 101 …they have done quite well!)

ANYWAY, I was in line checking out my bananas and the fixings I bought to make caramel apples tonight when I spied an older gentleman in the checkout line next to mine.  He was a spiffy dresser and he looked quite content.  So, of course, I had a look at what he was buying.

Crossing the conveyer belt was what I consider the be the dream diet of a hedonist living alone.  There were 10 or so frozen dinners, a huge bottle of wine, some bloody mary mix and 3 packs of Starbucks double shot espressos.

This guy clearly knows the secret of growing older.  Eat crappy boxed diet dinners every day, but drink as much as you want.

He was a lot thinner then me.  Maybe I’ll give his diet a try and ditch the bananas.

Better than a mosh pit, I spent the morning power shopping at my favorite boutique’s once a year sale.  Mojo’s was started here in West Monroe, Louisiana, but has stores in cities all over the U.S.  They make amazing t-shirt designs that appeal to my hippie sensibilities.

I lined up with my 17 year old son (also a fan) at 7:30 Saturday morning.  Dreading going into work right after the sale, I stood my ground.  There was already a line outside the store and we began seeing friends.  There was a buzz in the air as everyone stood around with sweatpants and pajamas on holding their coffee and looking forward to getting some beautiful clothes.  Cheap.

When the doors finally opened, the crowed rushed in and the small space filled up almost instantly.  People were jammed into the store toe to toe, bending over boxes and tossing t-shirts, hats, scarves to the side as they tried to find ones that fit.  I looked up in awe for a few minutes just to observe. Then my son gave me his camera so that I could shoot a short video.

I held the camera over my head and captured exactly what I wanted.  Crowds of people, smiling and shopping with glee.  Holding up clothes for their friends to see…deciding whether or not to buy….and when the answer was no, other around them shouting over to find out the size and having them toss the shirts over the crowd to someone who wanted that particular item.

Beautiful.

We came home with a bag full of t-shirts for my son, my finance and myself, a hat, two messenger bags and a dress that I couldn’t resist buying for my cute little 19 year old co-worker who couldn’t make it to the sale. ($93, on sale for $14)

This happy hedonist is hitting New Orleans this weekend! Granted, it’s for a wedding shower for family, but that’s ok.  We’re planning on having a great time.

Since I live in the Bible Belt, neither Choke nor Religilous are coming here, to our aggrivated dismay.  I really would like to see them both!  After all, we got to see Hamlet 2 here without any picket signs or anything!  We’ll be cruising the cinemas in New Orleans trying to watch one or both of those.  Also, we’ll be meeting up with some die hard Saints fans for some serious drinking before the game.  (and searching for that elusive Frank n Furter costume)

Here’s to hoping I can find a garter belt for my 17 year old son!  Cheers!

(go saints!)

The fall weather is here and I was honored to spend the weekend at my friend’s wonderful bonfire.  We spent the evening eating hot dogs and veggies from the grill.  Friends played their guitars and we sat outside fanning away the mosquitoes and listening to them play.

For my own enjoyment, I have decided to have my first cup of lovely hot chocolate for the fall season.  I have some Kaluha left over from the weekend, so I decided to add in a shot of it and put a little whipped cream on top.

Delicious!  Pajamas and a lovely fall drink.  It doesn’t get any better!

My amazing 17 year old son has decided that he wants to be Frank n Furter for Halloween.  As a hedonist mother, I am delighted.  However, finding a costume has proven to be exhausting.  Where DO you find a garter belt which will fit a 6 foot 1 boy that weighs about 130 and has no ass?  Amazon has a pretty good Frank n Furter costume. I’m pretty sure we can do better, though.  And  cheaper.

Does Goodwill carry corsets?  I’m not certain, but I can tell you from personal experience that they normally are pretty damn expensive.

Oh well.

It must be done.

If he has the confidence to pull it off, I can make it happen!

Sidenote: My son is much more attractive than Tim Curry.

Every hedonist loves a good massage and I am certainly no different!  I’ve been making some extra money lately with my freelance writing and one of my main goals is to be able to have enough money to have a full body massage once a month.  (Plus paying off debt..but that is secondary.)

I am doing it this weekend and I can’t wait.  A nice big bonfire tomorrow night to celebrate the fall weather with all my heathen friends and then a spa-tastic massage on Sunday.

Beautiful!

I have been one sick hedonist!  After being sick all weekend, I decided that I would make myself a hot toddy after I got home from work today.  Yummm…..followed by….whhooooooo! Damn.

Here’s my own special recipe:

Kava Tea (made by yogi tea ) - makes you go to sleep

2 shots whiskey

1/2 shot lemon juice

1/2 shot honey

Brew the tea and then mix in the other ingredients.  Drink it down fast.

It works!  I promise!

By the way, the Kave tea, in itself, is an excellent stress reliever.